Potter, Where Are My Pants?
by NeonDomino
Summary: Sirius has a problem. His boxers keep vanishing... even the ones on his body. He's convinced James Potter has something to do with it, because Remus would never do something like that. it's not like Remus Lupin is a closet deviant or anything... right? Title inspired by the Lego Movie - WolfStar.


**Hogwarts House of Witchcraft and Wizardry - **Transfiguration Class - Assignment three** \- **Write about a "mysterious" disappearance; be it a person or object. Maybe their sudden absence is truly confounding, maybe it's suspicious, but no matter what it is, the word "vanished" (in any tense) should be a key word in your assignment.

**The Hunger Games Trilogy Challenge/Competition** \- Caesar Flickerman - An Optimist.

**The Harry Potter Chapter Challenge** \- The Order of the Phoenix - Out Of The Fire - Someone ignoring the obvious.

**Disney Character Challenge/Competition - **Cobra Bubbles: Write about someone with an awesome name.

**Hogwarts Fair 2014 Challenge** \- Stalls: Refreshments.

**Last Man Standing Competition** \- Romance

**Wand Wood Challenge** \- Silver Lime - Write about an act of trickery

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**I'm just saying this now. I wholeheartedly believe that Remus is a closet deviant. No-one can convince me otherwise. I thought I'd write another story to show this.**

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"Sirius, pull your trousers back up, no-one wants to see your arse," James shouted, quickly turning his back on his friend.

Sirius looked confused for a moment. "I could have sworn..." he muttered, frowning to himself. "Guess I forgot to put some boxers on this morning," he said, pulling the trousers back up and heading into the bathroom to change into his pyjamas.

"Who forgets to put boxers on?" James asked Remus, rolling his eyes.

Remus shrugged, keeping his eyes on his book, his cheeks slightly red.

**...oOo...**

Remus glanced up as Sirius emerged from the bathroom in only a towel, looking confused. "Moony, did Prongs sneak in and take my boxers?"

"Wouldn't you have noticed him doing that?" Remus asked, trying to look confused. "Wouldn't he have had to walk straight past you to get to them?"

"Invisibility cloak?" Sirius offered.

Remus shook his head. "No, he disappeared with it to go spy on Lily's date with Amos Diggory. Are you sure you didn't just forget them again?"

Sirius shrugged and found a new pair of boxers. He turned to head back into the bathroom, and Remus made a mental note to find a spell that would cause the towel to drop.

**...oOo...**

"Potter, where are my pants?" Sirius snapped, emerging from the bathroom, wearing only a towel and storming to grab some boxers.

"He's not here," Remus said, glancing up from his book. His other hand was hidden from Sirius' gaze, fingers wrapped around his wand.

"Fucking Potter, he has something to do with this," Sirius muttered, as he turned to go back to his room. He felt the towel around his waist loosen, and before he could grab it, it was on the floor.

He quickly grabbed the towel and rushed to the bathroom, Remus' eyes on his perfect arse.

**...oOo...**

"Look, James, this has to stop," Sirius said, as they returned to their dorm after the full moon. "It wasn't funny the first time, and it's definitely not funny all these other times."

"What?" James asked, looking baffled.

"Mate, I'm not into you that way, so stop -"

"I don't fancy you either, and I don't know what you're talking about."

"You keep taking my underwear. It's worrying me because you are so fixated on Lily, yet you're making my boxers vanish. At first I thought I was being forgetful, but they just keep vanishing. I know for certain that I put them on yesterday morning, but I realised just before Remus' transformation that they were missing again. I'm very concerned about you."

"Why do you think it's me?" James asked.

"Because we all know I'm the brains behind the pranks," Sirius replied. "You're not all that smart, so of course it would be you doing something like this and thinking it's funny."

"No, Moony is the brains," James corrected. "Why would I find it funny that you have no boxers on?"

I don't know what goes on in that mind of yours. Look, I know my arse is perfection, I don't blame you for envying it, but this whole boxers thing... I've accidentally flashed Remus about three times now."

"Wait, is Remus always there when your boxers are missing?" James asked, everything clicking together in his head.

"Yeah," Sirius replied.

"Do you think that it could be Remus doing this?" James asked.

Sirius frowned. "Remus wouldn't do anything like that," he said. "He's not a sexual deviant like you clearly are. He's too... Moonyish for all that. Well, you can't have me, Potter, so stop stealing my pants."

"I'm serious, think about it. You just said he's always there. He's the most likely to take them," James pointed out.

"Wait, are you saying that our Moony is a closet deviant, that likes to steal my underwear so he can stare at my arse?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. He is a Marauder after all. Wait... how did you flash him?"

"My towel just doesn't want to stay in place... right, okay. I see what you're saying," Sirius said, his frown quickly turning into a grin. "Our Moonpie is a naughty Werewolf. I knew that I was wrapping that towel securely."

"Are you going to say something?" James asked, slightly concerned by the grin on Sirius' face. He wondered briefly why Sirius wasn't annoyed about this.

"It's more about what I'm going to do," Sirius replied.

"What's that?"

"I may have to spank him," Sirius replied, sounding too happy for James' liking. "I suggest you keep your curtains closed, and put a silencing charm up, so you can't hear outside your bed. Tell Petey to do the same, because I'm going to let Remus get a close up look."

"Are you serious?" James asked, slightly worried for Remus.

"He's clearly a closet deviant, but he's been found out," Sirius replied. "Remus wants to see me naked, so be it."

**...oOo...**

Remus returned from the hospital wing, and headed into the bathroom to take his shower. Sirius nodded at James and Peter, who sighed and closed their curtains. They didn't want to see Sirius seduce Remus, or risk seeing either of their friends naked.

Remus stomped across the floor wearing only a towel, having found his clothes missing from the bathroom. He pulled the curtains around his bed back, and froze at the sight of Sirius Black lounging on his bed, wearing only a pair of boxers.

"What..." he said, confused.

"Well, I've worked out that you are quite the naughty Werewolf," Sirius said, his eyes roaming over Remus' chest. "You like making my boxers vanish..." he glanced down his own body where his boxers were.

"But if you do that now, I'll be completely naked in your bed, Remus."

Remus didn't know what to say. He stared at Sirius, not able to stop his eyes moving across Sirius' body, lingering on the boxers.

"Though, I am really curious of that spell you've been using to make my towel slip. You care to share that with me?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

"Because I wanted to know if you wanted to get me in your bed, naked," Sirius replied. "Go on, make them disappear if you want."

"Evanesco," Remus said, diverting his gaze and blushing as the boxers vanished.

"I knew it had to be a Vanishing spell, I considered you sneaking into the bathroom for a bit, trying to watch me in the shower. That thought was a massive turn-on, but realised that it had to be a Vanishing spell for the fact that they were disappearing from my body."

"Ceciderit," he whispered, blushing. "That's the towel spell. You're not annoyed at me?"

"Ceciderit," Sirius repeated. "It's not working? Lets pretend it did. Drop your towel."

"What? Why? Remus asked, his eyes going wide.

"Because I want to compare, why do you think?" Sirius said, a hint of sarcasm, but his lustful eyes fell on the towel. "Drop it."

Remus done as he was told. "Now what?"

Sirius couldn't resist as his eyes darted over every inch of Remus' body.

"Now you join me here for your punishment," he replied. "Bloody hell, Remus, I'd never have thought you had it in you. It's always the quiet ones."

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**Please review**

**Word Count - 1202**


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